So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
