He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
