Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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