420 ftw
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
