sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
