a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
