We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wear drunk well.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
