oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
