Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
