"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
