I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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