good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
