Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
