im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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