3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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