Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize