he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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