I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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