1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
