I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
