It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
