white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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