Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
