I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
