So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
