Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"

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(571): View more from Virginia

i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?

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(812): View more from Indiana

After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.

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(214): View more from Texas

a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"

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(517): View more from Michigan

I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

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(352): View more from Florida

This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out

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(702): View more from Nevada

I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.

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