1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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