I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
