Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
