I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
