i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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