one might say we're banned from that church
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
