remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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