just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
