I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i think im in europe. pls send help
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
