i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
