I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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