All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
