You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
