dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
