Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm really busy with my period
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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