Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
