How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
