goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
