My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
