Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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