The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
