the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
