Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
