at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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