Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
