Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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