it wasn't lemon gatorade
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
