you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
