his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
