You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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