***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
