we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
