She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
