My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
