im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
love makes seman taste better
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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