i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
