i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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