Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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