She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
