Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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