Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
