...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
