i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
