Your face is a jimmy john
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
